


Not Just a Boy: the Death of Innocence

by optimus_maximus



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Alpha Hannibal, Alpha Jack, Alpha Matthew, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Depression, Flashbacks, Hurt Will, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, My First Fanfic, Obsessive Behavior, Obsessive Hannibal, Omega Verse, Omega Will Graham, Original Character Death(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Poor Will, Protectiveness, Self-Hatred, Will is a disney princess, eventually, everybody loves will, like by old people and such, slight bigotry & prejudice
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-30
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-04-06 22:57:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4239846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/optimus_maximus/pseuds/optimus_maximus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“STOP! PLEASE, STOP!” The scream sounds closer.<br/>“PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, NO MORE, NO MORE!”<br/>The scream is surrounding him, deafening him, and scrambling his brain.<br/>“STOOOOOP!”<br/>The loudest, the most frenzied, the most animalistic, the most painful. His head hurts. He drops to his knees, gripping his head in pain.<br/>“p-plea-please…”<br/>The last plea is gasped out. Barely a whisper. Would have missed it if he wasn’t the one begging.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Crack in the Innocent

**Author's Note:**

> This will be my first fanfic. It's one forty-something a.m. and I am way too exhausted to be sharing my Hannibal AU's, but hey! who isn't a little sleep deprived and overflowing with fic ideas. Enjoy sweeties.

“‘Dear Mr. Bucket, I am in great need to inform anybody and everybody of my adorable cutie of a brother. Unfortunately, my little brother is desperately shy and would greatly dislike for his existence to be known by strangers. Although he has allowed for you, Mr. Bucket, to be told of his adorable-ness. Anyway, my darling Willie Bee, otherwise known as William, is so, so, so-’”

“Okay, that’s enough," Will scowls up at his brother. Jonathan looks at him innocently, shifting papers around.

“Well, if you insist.” The alpha settles the papers in his hand. “If you don’t care for that one, I do have several other letters centered around my undying love for you. Here, it is- “

“Jonathan,” the omega whines, cheeks blooming bright red. “I don’t wanna hear this. I mean, what eighteen year old writes to his pen pal about his younger brother? I’ve seen other kids with their brothers and they always fight. Especially when they’re around my age.”

“Oh, Willie Bee,” Jonathan sighs dramatically. He pulls the omega onto his lap and into a hug. “Willie, Willie, Willie. Darling, not a single one of those children have a sibling as precious as you. If they knew you, they would also see that you’re too cute to argue against. And for a fourteen year old, you are quite mature.” Will decides to ignore his brother and rests his head on the alpha’s shoulder. He breathes in his grassy book scent; it’s _home family safety_. He lets his eyes fall shut and rests more comfortably on his pillow-substitute. He thinks he hears a bird fly over them. Will is startled up by a loud screech. He searches for the source but only finds his brother with his head back and eyes closed. No evidence he heard the sound.

There’s a bright flash and he startles. He notices a bird land on the nearby pond, creating waves. The sun must have glinted off the water. Will turns back towards his brother only to find himself alone. 

Another flash of light from a vehicle driving by. Another loud, high-pitched noise, maybe from the vehicles' brakes. Will stands cautiously.

“Hey, Willie Bee.” The omega jumps at the sudden voice. He searches for the owner of the voice and sees his brother, still sitting, staring up at him with concern clouding his dark eyes. Slowly, his brother stands and speaks. Will sees his lips moving without sound.

“NOOOOO!” 

He steps back confused, hearing the scream but not seeing its origin. The noises before were definitely screams. They sound desperate, fearful; in extreme pain.  
Jonathan has disappeared again. Darkness closes in around him. Will spins, searching for his older brother; his protector. 

“STOP! PLEASE, STOP!”

The scream sounds closer. 

“PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, NO MORE, NO MORE!”

The screams are surrounding him, deafening him, and scrambling his brain. 

“STOOOOOP!”

The loudest, drawn out. The most frenzied, the most animalistic, the most painful. His head hurts. He drops to his knees, gripping his head in pain. He can't breathe.

“p-plea-please…” 

The last plea is gasped out. Barely a whisper. Would have missed it if he wasn’t the one begging.


	2. Breaking Innocence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, this chapter was produce during unholy hours of the night. Enjoy

Will breathes in slowly. The pressure of the situation is steadily becoming unbearable, weighing him down, pressing against every cell, every atom. Suffocating his very existence into oblivion.  
He exhales shakily. 

He stares at the ceiling and allows his mind to clear, opening for the inevitable entrance of his captor. Will hears the soft taps of Alpha’s shoes and prepares himself to disconnect his brain from any thoughts of resistance or defiance. Tears well up, moistening his cheeks. His body relaxes, his thoughts leave. Alpha walks in. 

“Good morning, my sweet boy.” Alphas sickly sweet voice calls for him. He flips the lights on and strolls across the room to the bed - _their_ bed- sitting himself on the edge. “Did you sleep well?” Crawling on his knees across the bed, Will ducks under Alphas arms. He’s pulled onto the alphas’ lap, an unyielding arm wrapping around his back, the other pushing the dark curls away from his face. Will ducks his head and forces a shy glance at the older man.

“Good Morning, Alpha.” He tries not to grimace as the smell of desperation and arousal wraps around him, threatening to choke him. “Yes, Alpha.” He manages to force a smile. 

“My sweet boy,” Alpha runs his fingers roughly up Will’s back. A shiver of disgust travels its way through the omega’s body. He feels Alphas hand slide steadily down and thumb at his shorts.

Occasionally, Alpha will stop at petting and caressing. Speaking sugar sweet words in his ear of all the ways Alpha loves him and to never leave him and oh how _good_ his sweet boy is. He is thankful for those times. When the only pain is a harsh hair pull, and the overbearing guilt chiseling away at his conscience. Because Will does enjoy the petting and the caressing and the soft touches. But hate doesn’t have a line of sight on how much he doesn’t like his reaction. He never intends to enjoy it. To purr and press against Alpha. Will wants to hate the interactions; he hates feeling content with Alpha.

Other times, such tame contact isn’t enough. When Alpha returns from whatever stressful environment he works, he needs release. Will can smell the desperation stinking from upstairs, sinking into the floorboards and dousing everything in a volatile effervescence. The omega desperately attempts to escape to his mind, leave Alpha behind with a willing body, and get lost in his imagination. He pretends he can’t feel the harsh grip on his hips. Will imagines it is only his fingers that are spreading him open, his own hand twisting him to completion. He fantasizes about anything and everything else until he feels the wet heat invade his body and leak out. The sensation always jerks him from his daydream, shoving reality in his face. This, Will can hate easily.

Today, Alpha stops his hands, content to touch the omega; remap his entire body. His _contenthappy_ scent swarms Will and assaults his airways. Alpha forcefully pushes Will to lay down and leans over him, nuzzling the intersection of his neck and shoulder. His hands roam, blanketing over Will, seemingly everywhere.

Will desperately attempts to not panic, to not be scared shitless of the encompassing possession of Alpha. He breathes deeply; counts each second but the wave of fear is fast approaching. He starts to struggle and resist and fight.

Alpha pulls away, the _disappointmentangeranger_ scent drifts down his throat clogging his pores and blocking his rational thoughts.

“Please, please, Alpha. I’m sorry.” WIl quickly begs. He knows not to move without being told. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to- I- I-” Alpha withdraws further, silently rejecting his apologies. 

“Will.” Alpha sighs.The omega jerks at his name. “I don’t want to, but you keep forcing my hand. Why can’t you just be a good boy?” He stands and walks away from the bed, pausing at the door. “Undress and present yourself.” Alpha leaves the room and Will’s panic reaches its climax. His breathing quickens and his hands shake and tingle. He notices his change in position: head pressed into the mattress, hips high and quivering, and wonders when he moved. He hears the taps of Alphas shoes and he starts crying. An unforeseen Pavlovian reaction, his body working without him. 

“Will,” Alpha appears next to the bed holding a belt. “You’ve got to stop with the bad behavior. If you just listened to me, you wouldn’t need to be punished so often.” He slides his hand down the omegas back. It’s painted deep, deep blue with ugly yellow flowering randomly. “Fifteen strikes for your disobedience.”

The belt is overwhelming. He stifles his cries and keeps his muscles tensed to avoid moving. Alpha likes to think that even though he’s causing pain, Will still likes it. Alpha ignores the tangy scent of fear permeating through the room, and the stinging citrus of _painscent_ assaulting his senses. 

Supposedly alphas aren’t suppose to hurt omegas. It goes against eons of evolutionary decisions to keeps omegas safe and healthy to produce children. Alpha is a genetic mutation, a failed experiment in the evolutionary line.

A whimper passes his lips and escapes into the open airwaves into the ears of Alpha. There’s a pause in the stinging pain before he hears a growl and he’s being lifted off the bed and thrown on the ground.

Any sound during punishment is evidence of Will’s displeasure. Vocalization of pain and discomfort that Alpha hates so much. He expects Will to be thankful that the punishment isn’t worse. Grateful he isn’t being tossed away and returned to his hurtful family.

“Why are you so bad?!” Alpha stoops down next to the omega. He grips the dark curls and forces Will into eye contact. 

“I’m sorry, Alpha.” Will gasps. Grey eyes bore into his. His hair is tugged harder. “Alpha, please. I didn’t mean to-”

“Will. I want to be good to you. I can be so good to you.” Alpha jerks his head back, exposing the long length of neck. His eyes roam down the omegas' body. “But _you_ need to be good. You need to listen to me. I keep you safe. I saw the hurt you were given by your family. I protected you from more of it and all I ask is you obey me.” 

“I will. I will obey you.” Will desperately tries to satiate the alpha. He keeps his eyes focused on Alphas lips. “I won’t be bad. Please-”

Alpha abruptly lets go and stands.

“Okay, I will forgive you.” He walks towards the head of the bed. He pulls out the soft buttery cuffs connected to the headboard. “I’ll forgive, but you need a much harsher punishment. To make sure the lesson sticks. Alright?” Alpha glances at him expectantly.

Will simply nods, unable to agree verbally to what Alpha has in mind. The omega lifts his body up and crawls towards the bed, stopping at his abductors' feet. 

Obviously pleased with his compliance, Alpha signals for Will to climb onto the bed. He encloses his wrists and ankles with the cuffs, spreading his body across the bed. Next he covers his eyes with a black cloth that blocks all light.

“Alright, you’re going to stay here for the rest of the day. I had plans for the day,” He pauses and there’s a slide of wood against wood. “But _now_ the day is ruined. I hope you learn your lesson. I don’t want to do this again.” There's the press of dry lips against Wills’. “See you later.” Alpha sets noise canceling headphones on him, playing white noise. He feels Alpha push a plug into his nose. He’s left feeling nonexistent and forgotten. 

Omegas need touch to feel loved and self-assured. So touch deprivation is torture. It leaves him empty and alone. Casts him into hateful and useless head-space. He is always exhausted afterwards. He is more willing to initiate contact with Alpha, even participating in the chase for completion. He is so desperate for any form of connection at that point.

Will breathes in slowly, keeping his panic at bay. He lets himself drift away and float into the past. He exhales slowly.


	3. Safe

“Hello Darling, and how are you on this fine day?” Jonathan lays his arm heavily around Will and keeps pace with him. 

“ _Nat_ , please don’t call me that at school.” Will glimpse at his brother before looking straight ahead. 

“Yes, yes. I forgot. I’ll remember this time.” Jonathan waves his hand vaguely as he speaks and squeezes the omega. Will catches an alpha watching them, unabashed interest set on the student's face. He quickly looks back to his feet and focuses on Jonathan’s voice. Something about a giant? “-so the immaturity is _stinking_ from this man-child, right? And I try to reason with him, I mean I don’t want to fight him, he’s nearly twice my size, what’s he doing in a high school anyways. Will? Are you still listening?” Will hums in response and Jonathan’s off again. He notices other students staring at them. “I’m sitting at this bench, trying to explain why littering is not only annoying but incredibly unhealthy for the earth, and he ignores everything but the word ‘annoying’ and completely blows. He goes into a rage and charges at me. At me! The audacity! So I drop kicked him.” He ends his story with _’what can you do’_ shrug. 

“You drop... kicked… him.” The words leave Will’s mouth reluctantly. He isn’t sure if he heard correctly. 

“Yes.” Simple.

“Did you get in trouble?” 

“Of course not. I was defending myself from a crazed alpha. Why would I be punished?” Jonathan looks scandalized. It amazes Will how many times Nat fights, nearly a daily occurrence with his brashness, and the alpha has yet to be penalized by the school. “Will, are you listening?”

“What was that?” Will jerks his eyes up to the older Graham.

“How was your first day?” The alpha repeats. “Was it exciting? Everything you’ve ever dreamed of? You’re worst nightmare? The very reason your entire life is doomed to fall apart? Did you meet people? Make friends?” Expectant eyes captures his. “Well?”

“Um-” Will actually reviews his day and his social interactions. “I haven’t really talked to anybody. Most kept their distance.” As he examines the other students reactions to him more intimately, Jonathan leads him to a bench and sits him down. “Do they think I’m strange?” The question leaves his mouth without thinking.

“Pardon?” Jonathan looks startled. “‘Do they think you’re strange?’ As in ‘peculiar’ or ‘unexpected’?” 

Will shrugs in response before answering. “Strange. Not normal. Weird.” He lets his eyes drop to the pavement, following imaginary lines.

Jonathan removes his arm from it’s position on the younger Graham’s shoulders. He turns completely towards Will and gently lifts his head by his chin, ensuring his feelings are received. 

“William Graham. I think your very existence is a gift to the universe.” Will tries to look away but his gaze is recaptured. “Hey, Will. I’m not saying this to make you feel better. You are the nicest, most interesting, and caring person I’ve ever known. Nobody will ever be more important to me than you, Willie Bee. Don’t ever allow the stupid people in the world lead you to doubt yourself. Yeah?” 

Will sniffles and pulls Jonathan into a hug, wrapping his arms around the alpha’s neck and scenting him. Jonathan, in return, enfolds Will in his long arms and sighs. He’s always grateful for midday hugging. 

Will feels better. Stable. He breathes in the _book grass_ scent and relaxes.

“Thank you, Nat.” He sits back and remembers a note he was given. ‘“Oh, I was given this note but I don’t know some of the words.” He rummages in his bag before pulling out a small folded paper. “Here it is. Would look at it for me?”

Jonathan looked at him excitedly, enthusiastic about any evidence that Will may be making friends.

“Of course,” the alpha responds, making grabby hands at the paper until Will finally hands it over. Jonathan quickly unfolds the paper. “Alrighty, let’s see what do we hav-”

Will looks up at his brother, curious about the sudden pause. As he sets his eyes on the alpha, the hot scent of anger crashes over him sending him reeling, his thoughts scramble. Will instinctively bares his throat and nearly falls to his knees. Just as quickly as it came, the anger is gone and Jonathan is taking a deep breath.

“What is it?” Will shakily asks. Jonathan simply starts petting his hair. Will tries to think of what is on the note but he can’t remember reading it. He concentrates harder, trying to pull the words from his memory but nothing. 

He quickly grabs the note from his brother’s hand and scans the paper. Again, he doesn’t know the words but...

“What is ‘slu-” 

_”You stupid, stupid, slut!” Alpha screams. “Are you trying to leave me? I helped you!”_

“Wha'?” Will slurs. He glances at his brother. 

Who isn’t moving. 

He looks around and sees that every student is the same. Wills’ eyes skim over his brothers’ form and he notices the rhythmic movement of his chest. Jonathan is breathing and blinking but simply not moving. 

“Jonathan?” Will gently touches the alpha’s cheek. “Nat?” He hears a quiet swishing sound. He searches for the source and notices the other students are surrounding him, still not moving, and Jonathan is standing in the group. 

They open their mouths that began transforming into a gaping cave full of stalagmite and stalactite teeth. Their eyes are bleeding pewter grey and growing wider with each passing moment.

Once the growing seems to stop, the mutated bodies take a single step forward and let out a sound. Not a sound exactly but a resonance vibrating through the airwaves. It reverberates through his muscles and bones straight into his memories. It sifts through his thoughts and darkens his core. 

Will falls to his knees and blocks his ears. He screams his throat raw trying to relieve the pressure the noise causes when it comes to an end. 

Hesitantly, he moves his hands and peeks at the crowd. Their faces are still a nightmare but they’ve shifted their stares upward. Will follows their gaze and notices black flowering from the sun. 

There’s another whisper of sound. Barely registered in his ear.

“WAKE UP!” The group shrieks their strange noise. “WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!”

“WAKE UP!” A thunderous voice yells. 

Will jumps at the sound and opens his eyes. He sees the grey ceiling of Alpha’s basement.

“Will! Will, are you awake? We need to go.” Alpha is standing by the closet and pulling clothes out. “Here get dressed. We’re leaving.” He throws Will a pair of shorts and a long sleeved shirt. As Will dresses, he watches Alpha rush around the room throwing various items into a duffle bag.

“Will, are you ready?” Alpha grabs his by the arm and pulls him up a flight of stairs. “We’ll be going somewhere better. You’ll be able to go outside.” He stops at a door on top and takes a breath. “Just... stay next to me.” 

He slowly pulls the door open then sticks his head out quickly. Alpha looks at Will again then quietly walks out into the kitchen. He jerks at Will’s arm and steps through another door that leads to a living area. Will takes in the neat and clean set up; his eyes skimming over a dark square-y love seat to a _huge_ TV. He’s about to step past a glass coffee table when he walks into Alpha’s back. 

His heart nearly leaps through his throat. He squeezes his eyes shut and tenses for pain… but it doesn’t come. Alpha tugs his body toward him with his back to Alphas front. A strong grip to his shoulder has Will opening his eyes. 

There’s a man in tactical gear pointing his weapon at them. Actually, there are two men pointing weapons straight at them. 

“Let the omega go. Now.” The first guy orders. Alpha takes a step back and pulls him closer.

“What, not going to gain my trust and persuade me to let him go?” Alpha laughs forcefully. He squeezes a little tighter. Will feels his heart beating and his breathing deepen. He’s feeling a little light-headed and his eyes are losing focus. 

“Let the omega go. Look at him. He needs medical attention.” The guys answers. He takes a step towards them. “If you go along peacefully, we’ll even let you see each other again. Just let us help him.” He takes another step.

“Don’t joke with me!” Alpha growls. Will lets out a soft whimper at the sound. Both uniformed men take a step forward at the noise.

“Sir, I’m not joking.” The guy says quickly, voice strained. “Let him go or I’ll be forced to use force.” He takes a step closer.

“No. He belongs to me.” Alpha shifts. “No one else.” Will notices a desperation in his voice he’s never heard the entire time he’s been here. It’s alarming and frightening. And what’s worse is Will doesn’t like that Alpha sounds like that.

“NO!” The guy yells. There’s the blast of sound from the weapon then Alpha is hissing in pain and pushing Will onto the glass table. As he’s falling, he sees Alpha run towards the kitchen and he's wondering why no one's running after him.

There’s a gentle arm against his stomach and holding his arm. He feels a sharp pull in his back. He whines and the arm and hands are even more softer. They gently set him on the couch and pet his back, speaking soft reassuring words. He hears more footsteps and quiet muttering. There’s a voice by his ear talking and explaining what they’re doing followed by a pinch of pain. The voices blur together and blend into colors. Will is finally flying away and he’s a little sad to be leaving but the colors are vibrant and exciting and it’s okay. He’ll be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soul sacrifice, tea, and sleep deprivation were all involved in the making of this chapter  
> I just realized that the actor who plays Matthew Brown is named Jonathan Tucker and I just "whot" also hugh dancy's dad is a Jonathan  
> Complete coincidence  
> stop by send me a message about space or your dog who is also named Jonathan or a space dog


	4. Ordinary Response to Atrocities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Panic attacks in this chapter.

The first thing Will thinks is that his throat is itchy. He would clear it but Alpha doesn’t-

Alpha. The strange men. The guns. The tight pain. All theses memories force their way in and leave him breathless.

Will keeps his eyes shut and takes a slow, deep breath. Something peppery and perfumed reaches his nose. There’s the neutral undertone of beta and paper. Someone is here with him. _Here_ is a room reeking of antiseptics. He notices the rush of cold air coming from his right and a rhythmic beeping from his left. Will breathes in the harsh hospital air, opening his eyes and hoping this isn’t a dream.

There’s a crack in the ceiling. Will takes in the pastel room, from the large window on his left with a view of the sky to the kitchenette-looking area on his right. On the chairs near the window, there’s a man with a notebook.

“Hello, William.” The man looks up. “I am Dr. Frederick Chilton.” His eyes stay on Will’s face. “How are you feeling?”

Will looks away and coughs; this beta seems to not want to hurt him and doesn’t look like he’ll get angry. He knows that although betas may not look intimidation, they can be quite destructive; so Will keep his eyes down and tries to answer the question. He takes in the damage to his body. There’s a faint throb in his lower back and the constant ache that used to haunt his bones is gone. He takes a breath and feels his lungs struggle to pull in air. There’s a tightness surrounding a couple of limbs. Will notices a cast on his forearm and he feels a similar sensation on his leg, but there isn’t any pain. Which is - surprising. This man must actually be here to help him.

He nearly cries in relief at the realization; instead, he lets himself feel. He’s exhausted. He feels tired and scared and relieved. He feels sad and guilty. He feels distant and frozen. He feels speechless.

Dr. Chilton waits a moment longer before Will hears the scratch of pencil on paper.

“Alright. Do you have any questions?” A brief pause. “About anything.” Will opens his mouth to speak but he can’t think of anything to say. He clears his throat before shutting his mouth and waiting. “Well, William. You’re in a hospital in Baltimore. You’ll be needing a check up. You’ve been asleep for quite awhile; nearly three days.”

He hears Dr. Chilton stand. “Would you like me to get the doctor now?”

Fear slithers into his thoughts; the emotion expanding and growing at the simple suggestion. He doesn’t want to be left alone for any amount of time. He can’t be alone. What if he’s stolen again? He doesn’t want to be returned back to that hell. He’d prefer to be with this stranger than be left without protection; with a chance of being taken.

“-lliam! Hey. Will.” Will hears Dr. Chilton calling his name. “Will, I’m going to need you to take a deep breath. Do you hear me? Breath with me, okay? Can you do that for me? Will, ready? One.” Nothing. “C’mon Will. One. Two. Three. Will?” He hears the beta, but he can’t stop. He can’t stop thinking. Will keeps remembering. The horrors of his mind are crashing down in his brain. They’re twisting and pulling and burning. They rear up and stomp on him. 

Alpha is coming. He hears the taps of his shoes; the door is opening. Alpha is here. He’s touching him. Alpha is gripping his hair tight and shoving into him. Alpha is slapping him and kicking him. He’s tying him up and leaving him in the dark. Alpha is cursing him. He’s shouting vulgarities at him because Will is a slut. Alpha pushes Will down to his knees and squeezes his jaw. Alpha is using his mouth and his throat. It hurts so much. He gags but Alpha keeps going. He keeps going and going. It never stops. Why can’t it stop?  


## 

* * * *

“Hello, Will. How’re you feeling, today?” Dr. Chilton is sitting in the same chair he always sits in, looking at him expectantly.

Will stares at the ceiling and shrugs in response. This is the fifth day he’s woken up in the hospital and words are still difficult to put together; they refuse to be captured and put in order. They leave him unable to communicate.

“Better?”

Cough. Shrug.

Dr. Chilton scribbles something in his book. “Will, do you want to do it today? Remember, you can call your doctor whenever you’re ready by pushing the button on the remote. I’ll be in here with you the entire time.” 

Will looks for the remote, lifting it, feeling the weight of it. He hasn’t been able to press the button, yet. He glances at Dr. Chilton; he’s wearing a brown tie today. He looks back to the remote and takes a breath. He pushes the button and sets the remote back onto the bed. He returns his gaze to Dr. Chilton; the beta is giving him a small smile. 

There’s a knock on the door a few minutes later. Will jerks at the unexpected noise, breathing a little deeper. The annoying beeping of the machine speeds up. He sees Dr. Chilton from his peripheral stand quickly.

“It’s okay, Will.” He pauses. “Would it be alright if I came closer?”

A jerky nod. A rough cough.

“Will, can I touch you?” Dr. Chilton’s voice is right next to him. “You can signal for me to stop any time.” The omega gives another nod before he feels the familiar fingers brush across his arm. There’s soft pressure on his neck. “It’s alright, Will. It’s just the doctor. You’re alright.” The combination of gently petting and the calming voice help. Will breathes slowly, easier. 

“You okay?” Will takes another breath, a rough, crumpled paper sound, then nods. “Want me send the doctor away? It’s okay if you want to wait.” The omega thinks for a second before deciding to get it over with. This needs to be done. He inhales deeply then shakes his head. Warm fingers run down his neck then back up.

“Come in.” Chilton calls. 

The door knob turns with a click and slides open, revealing a tall, stocky man. He’s wearing a long white coat with surgeon scrubs underneath. The hallway air rushes in and brings the beta scent to his nose. 

“Hello there.” The man has an open smile and a clear voice. “It’s nice to see you conscious and lucid.” The man is still standing in the doorway, hands in his pockets. “May I come in?”

Will looks up to Dr. Chilton. The beta simply meets his gaze and gestures his head towards the man. He returns his stare to the man, keeping his focus on the colorful pens in the man's pocket. Will gives a small nod.

“Thank you, Mr. Graham.” The man takes slow deliberate steps into the room. He stops at the end of Will’s bed and lifts the clipboard set there. “Okay, Mr. Graham, or Will, can I call you Will?” Nod. “It seems that you’re body is responding well to treatment. Has Frederick informed you of your condition, yet?” Brief eye contact; a small head shake. “Would you like me to tell you?” Will hesitates. He glimpses at Chilton, who is gently massaging his neck, then shifts his eyes back to the man. He tilts his head and looks questioningly up at the man, coughing into his hand.

“Ah, I haven’t introduced myself, have I?” The man chuckles. “I’m Dr. Abel Gideon. You can call me Abel, if you’d like. I’m an androgynecologic surgeon.” Will lets his eyes drop back to the pens. He gives a stronger nod and leans into Chilton, unconsciously seeking comfort.

“Okay. Well, first of all, you have several bruised ribs and a few fractured ribs. Your left leg and right forearm also have minor fractures. Both of your lungs have contracted an infection due to the major weakening of your immune system. You also have a deep stab wound on the right side of your lower back. In addition to all of this, you’re dotted with large bruises, superficial lesions, and scars.” Will takes a shaky breath. “We’re giving you pain killers for the pain, and a simple antibiotic and steroid for the infection. There’s physical therapy for the fractures and, of course, we cut your hair. It wasn’t very healthy due to malnutrition, but it will grow back much better.” Dr. Gideon sets the clipboard down. “You are quite a fighter, Will. I gotta say, it’s impressive.”

Will gives a hesitant nod before turning into Chilton.

“Thank you, Abel.” Chilton looks to Will. “You’ll be seeing more of Dr. Gideon during your time here. He’s officially your doctor now. I actually need to speak to him for a moment, do you mind if I leave the room?” Will shakes his head. “Okay, I’ll be just a second.” The two doctors leave the room but they keep the door open and stand right outside.

Will takes a moment to process. He moves his arms and legs minutely. He notices he isn’t _feeling_ everything. The sensations are registered, the smells, the soft sheets, and dim lights, but they don’t affect him. It’s like a low, deep sound, too low to hear but he can feel it. 

He stares at the two betas conversing softly. Their scents combine into sharp lemon and pepper with beta undertones. It’s surprisingly calming. It wraps around Will and lulls him to the edge of consciousness. He drifts away, reaching for the stars and floating past clouds. He remembers the comforting scent of books and grass. Power simmering beneath a constant _calm_ scent. 

He jerks then he’s remembering hot pain in his chest and salty tears stinging his cheeks. He remembers his raw throat and his nails digging into his arms. He feels hot blood splattered on his arms, painting his pale skin. He sees his parents shocked faces, mouths open, eyes wide. He hears his brother’s deafening growl. The temperature drops, freezing everything. There’s a moment of silence then everything is engulfed in black. So much cold darkness, it’s terrifying. 

There’s a sudden flash of light. A sharp scent and Will is being pulled into gentle arms. A soothing voice draws him away from the void. He reaches towards the warmth and escapes the pitch black fear of his mind.

“Will, you’re okay, it’s okay.” Chilton’s voice cuts through his thoughts leading him to the present. A gentle hand rub circles onto his back and up his neck. The soft murmuring continues, reassuring Will of his safety and anchoring him to reality.

A few minutes later and Will notices Chilton is sitting on the bed next to him, and Dr. Gideon is standing where Chilton previously stood. They both keep their sights on the distressed omega. They notice Will isn’t panicking anymore so Chilton sets his hands on his lap and Dr. Gideon takes a step back, giving Will breathing room. 

“Are you okay?” Chilton asks. Will nods against where he’s leaning against him.

“Would you like a drink?” Another quick nod. Dr. Gideon steps away to a small fridge hidden behind a chair and pulls bottles out. 

“Alright, we have water, milk, juice, and- I’m not sure what this is.” He walks up to the bed and holds them out. “Which would you like?”

He chooses the juice and nearly drinks the entire bottle. The beta’s wait patiently for him to finish before speaking.

Chilton moves to stand and slips off the bed. “There was one more thing that we’d like to discuss, but I think that can wait. What do you think?” He straightens his shirt and watches the omega’s eyelids droop. “How about you go to sleep?”

Will barely manages a nod before he’s drifting off.

## 

* * * * *

There’s a nod knock on the door then Dr. Gideon is sticking his head in, giving Will a mischievous smile. 

“May I enter, William?” The doctor says with a dramatic flourish. The omega smiles openly and nods. It’s been nearly a week since his last panic attack, which is an accomplishment, and today, Chilton and Dr.Gideon are giving him a “ _wow-you’re-amazing_ ” gift. 

“My god, Abel. Finally.” Chilton sounds annoyed but his _excited_ scent betrays him. “What took so long? You know what, never mind, I don’t care.” Will simply smiles at the two as Chilton pulls a brightly wrapped box from underneath the bed and sets it on his lap. When was that put there?

“Well, I could’ve been saving a life. That is what might have taken so long.” Gideon sets his box on top of Chilton’s. 

“But you weren’t.” Chilton walks to his chair and sits. “And I don’t care.”

Will coughs and smiles when they stop their bickering to check on him. He points at the boxes and sends a questioning glance at the two. 

“Open whichever.” Dr. Gideon pulls a chair next to the bed.  
He closes his eyes and chooses one randomly. Chilton bought him a book about dogs and a sketchbook, which is weird but it’s nice. Gideon got him a stuffed dog and a book about fishing, which again unrelated to anything, but he likes it. As he’s crumpling the wrapping paper and stuffing them into the boxes, Gideon sets his gifts on the bedside table while Chilton moves his seat closer. 

“Will, remember last week I had something to discuss with you?” Nod. “Would you like to hear it now?” Hesitant nod. “Okay, well, we’d like to expand your support system in order to help you whenever you need it. Sound good?”

Truthfully, Will was fine with having Chilton and Abel as his “support group”. Over the last couple weeks, he’s learned to trust them and accept their input. They’ve both been vital in his recovery and he wants them to stick around; they’ve become a second family to him. But if they think expanding is a good idea then it must be; whether he likes it or not.

He takes a moment longer to ponder the request before giving them a thumbs up. 

Chilton lets out a breath and sits slightly straighter. “Abel and I have been discussing the idea of including a couple familiar people to our little group. There certainly are going to be… troubles… in the beginning but ultimately it will do wonders for your recovery. Okay?” Nod. “Yes, good, would you like to allow Bedelia Du Maurier and Jack Crawford to visit? They have shown some interest in engaging with you and assisting in your healing.”Chilton gives a slight pause and a shallow breath. “So?”

Will remembers Bedelia. He remembers Jack. He remembers Saturday barbecues and wine glasses. He sees his parents full bodied laughter and a red-faced Jack. He hears the pop of wine bottles and the clink of glasses. Their jokes being heard through closed doors. He’s caught by his father and chased up to bed, a giggling mess.

He’s being tossed in the air by Jack; his mother standing close by. Will’s hiding from his father behind Jack. He’s sitting on a couch and feels the soft touch of Bedelia’s hands while his parents are busy. He remembers his bedtime soliloquies explaining his adventures with Nat to a smiling Bedelia. 

There’s the smell of Gideon’s _calm_ scent, and the slight sour tinge of _worry_ so obviously Chilton, it pulls Will out of his head. It takes him a moment to separate his thoughts and reality, but he manages to focus on worried-trying-to-stay-calm eyes, that would’ve been funny under any other circumstance. He shakes his head and controls his breathing. A few minutes later, Will points to his new sketchbook and grabs one of Abel’s ever present pens. He rights a single line and nervously hands it over to the betas.

A soft sigh passes through Chilton’s lips, but it’s Gideon who speaks first, his scent soft. “Oh William. From what I’ve witnessed, both Mrs. Du Maurier and Mr. Crawford would never stop caring for you. It’ll be alright.” 

Chilton pulls a handkerchief out of his pocket and dabs at his eyes. “Will, they’ll love you no matter what. And thank you for letting us know what you’re feeling.” The beta lays his hand down on the bed, palm up. “We both appreciate it, thank you.” The omega slips his hand into Chilton’s and squeezes before taking the sketchbook and writing one word.

_Okay._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I've been stuck without internet for the past week and I'll be without internet again and I'm probably going through wifi withdrawal or something. I apologize for any inaccuracies regarding the panic attacks and such.
> 
> If I need to put warnings before chapters, let me know.  
> Well, I made up some medical terminology, _androgynecologic_ , and my medical jargon is rusty so who knows what I'm actually writing hahaha yes i've slept this week hahaha
> 
> So Dr. Chilton and Dr. Gideon are introduced and Bedelia and Jack are coming up  
> Stop by and shoot me a message [diigis](http://diigis.tumblr.com)
> 
> Title name is a quote from Judith Lewis Herman's _Trauma and Recovery_


	5. Good Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some things happen in this chapter  
> I put warning at the end

Weak. Faulty. Deficient. Incomplete. Stinted. Inadequate. According to the dictionary, Will is also lacking, inexperienced, and inapt.

Will was hit with the full force of his depravities a week after his discussion with Abel and Chilton. And weeks have passed. weeks of building himself up only to be pulled under a wave of self-loathing and disgust. Weeks are spent reminding Will of his freedom and proving he isn’t dreaming. Days are spent lying in his own filth, contemplating his existence and questioning his reason for living. Hours are spent feeling on edge, adrenaline pulsing through his body leaving him trembling and weak. Consciousness leaves him for minutes before he falls back into reality.

There are days Will can’t trust anybody. He screams at the nurses, convinced they work for _Him_. He throws his books at Abel and Chilton, terrified of caring for them. Terrified they may be taken from his just like his family.

Days at a time, Will can’t look at food or else his body purges itself of stomach acid. He’s losing weight quickly, deadly fast. He can see the worry hidden beneath Chilton’s fake expressions. Abel decides Will needs an IV and he notices the needle sticking out of his hand. Will doesn’t understand why his body won’t obey simple commands.

_Get up._

Nothing. 

_Open your eyes._

Not a twitch.

Will is shoved back, occasionally. He remembers every revolting, disgusting thing he did. His life doesn’t seem worth the trouble. If his body would only move, he might end it.

# *****

They put him on antidepressants and anti-anxiety pills. For a few weeks nothing changes. Will doubts they’re working, but Chilton insures him it will take a while for the pills to have a mentionable effect. 

Will decides to take a shower one day. Chilton and Abel persuade Will to leave his room for a walk down the hall. He still falls into those moments that make him violent, but less often. Chilton explains that Will has certain sounds, phrases, and movements that may throw him back, triggers, and the staff will try to avoid them. As a thank you, Will sends them gifts.

An entire month later, Will notices he has good days. Legitimate “good” days. Days Will is snarking with Abel, and allowing Chilton to fuss over him. During these moments, Chilton continues Will’s therapy sessions. Chilton pokes at his mind and attempts to get Will to confess anything he’s feeling. They separate his thoughts and discuss his feelings and behaviors. Chilton always finishes each session with a request, asking Will to complete one little goal. It may be brushing his teeth, or eating solid food, or taking a walk.

Eventually, Will is better. His nurse comments about it one morning and Will realises he is better. He isn’t in any way “good” but he is better. It’s a nice realization.

One session, Chilton asks if he wants to talk about the experience. A few hours later, his nurse finds him trying to jump out of his window.

# *****

“Will? It’s been a few months since I’ve asked, but would you like the talk about Bedelia or Jack visiting?”

Will lifts his gaze to Chilton before returning to his notepad. He doesn’t want to. Bedelia doesn’t deserve having someone as damaged as Will in her life. He wants to say no, but Chilton is most likely expecting Will to want a family member with him. But he can’t. He shakes his no.

“Okay, I’ll let them not you’re not ready.” Chilton flips a page in his folder. “Will, I have to ask. Do you know why you’re in this hospital?”

Will stiffens at the question. Why is he in the hospital? Will knows why he’s in the hospital. He writes down the answer and shows Chilton. His lips thin and his hand twitches before Chilton scribbles in his folder. 

“No, Will. That’s not it.” Chilton closes his folder and sets it aside. “Where is your family?”

He’s confused. His family is- His family- His family died.

_”Will! Run! Hide!” Nat shoves Will away. “William! Fucking hide!” Will looks back and sees Nat’s glowing red eyes. Will should leave, but he stands transfixed as Nat roars and fights the strange alpha. Behind them he sees his parents on the floor soaked in red. Will looks down at his hands as a ringing in his ears start. There are handprints of red on his forearms. Deep, thick red marks his arms._

_Will feels hands touch his face and Nat enter his line of sight. Nat is kneeling and cradling Will’s face. Will stares at the fading red of his brothers eyes and leans into the touch. Too soon, his brother’s hands fall from Will’s face and he notices the strange alpha pushing off the floor and shaking his head. Will takes one step back, trying to pull his brother’s body with him, but the strange alpha seems to float towards him. As WIll’s back hits a wall, the stranger stands right in front of him and caresses Will’s neck._

_“Finally.” The alpha says.  
_

# *****

Will pulls at restraints as he wakes. His feet and hands are tied down to the bed and Will tries to scream, but only feels raw scrape of his vocal chords. Suddenly, Chilton’s stand next to him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m SO sorry this took so long! Writers block and life can be blamed for the delay
> 
> Tbh, this chapter isn't my favorite, like, I justill decided to post it because no matter how many times I've rewritten this, it doesn't come out how I want it. So, fuck it. Here you go.
> 
> And I started world building for a Supernatural AU. I’m happy about it; it’s jumpstarted my creativity and got rid of my writers block
> 
> I have a [tumblr](http://diigis.tumblr.com)!  
> send a message about panic attacks, or ninja attacks, or ninja-causing-panic-attacks! Whatev's, I don’t judge.
> 
> TW:
> 
>   * Panic/Anxiety Attacks, like a lot.
>   * PTSD
>   * Will has a flashback to when his family was murdered
>   * Will thinks badly about himself, like, intense self-hate/disgust
> 

> 
> If I missed something, please let me know. Thanks, bruh. bruhs?


End file.
